💔 Sober Soul Love Care Sunday: When Loving Them Hurts You

For the parentified first-borns, the stress cleaners, the ones sick and tired of being sick and tired.

How are you really, peaceful parentified parent?

Living with a leaky body, needing a fan just to sleep a few hours.

Always exhausted, always aching.
Wired and tired, running on fumes, still showing up for everyone but yourself.

Are you still carrying the worry or have you let it go—trusting that all we truly have is this moment, right here, right now?

I’m so glad you’re spending these minutes here.
Your inner child feels seen.
Your future self feels safe.
And your healing begins with presence.

We are the sober holistic stress cleaners, the ones sick and tired of being sick and tired while being a good girl or boy, doing everything right.
No meds. no sugar. no meat. meditating loving kindness to all.

We don't even swear because everything is energy and what we send out comes back in all ways.

Alcohol and man made sugar hit women hardest.

They damage our liver, disrupt our gut and trigger non-alcoholic fatty liver disease.

I’ve been reversing mine since 2017—the year I took my power back from booze, diet coke and sugar.

Did you know that oreo's and diet coke cause fatty liver?

When I knew better I did better.

Did you know you can clean your toilet with diet coke?
Imagine what that does to our delicate microbiome that we are repairing to heal our leaky body.

Did you know cigarette companies bought Oreo’s sugar empire back in the 80s? It’s all connected.
Learn more in this video.

We’re talking about what harms the liver while learning how to love it back.

Detoxing trauma and toxins from our tissues—some of it stored since birth—so you can finally sleep eight hours without a fan, wake up clear and stay awake for 19 hours without needing a nap.

This is what healing looks like when you’ve lived with chronic inflammation since the womb.

When you grew up in a tense home with C-PTSD and childhood trauma.

When your body is on fire and your digestion is chaos—loose, constipated, no rhythm, no reason.
Just stress flares and survival mode. Fight, flight, fawn, freeze and flop.

Two of the biggest reasons people drink, numb with food and gain weight — that I’ve witnessed as a Buddhist Biohacker, C-PTSD peer supporter, suicide hotline volunteer, personal trainer and Reiki energy healer — are love and money. They are the deepest sources of human pain.

Adrienne Rich once wrote:

“An honourable human relationship — that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word ‘love’ — is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other… because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us.”

I thought I had this kind of love.

For more than 8 years, I loved a man to his bones. He saw me, the real me with no make up, bloated belly, medical anxiety, heard the night terrors, heard the traumas that no one else had heard.

All my shame that was keeping me stuck.
He never flinched. He never ran away.

He was my voice of grounded calm because I trusted he had my best interest at heart.

Our first date was at the hospital for an emergency ct scan Saturday Jan. 23rd 2016.

He came with me to all the appointments he could if he was in town due to my medical anxiety he was my safety person.

And then, one night at a party, the ground disappeared beneath me.

I learned there had been many betrayals long before that night. His defense was always the same, a cold refrain— “I never said we were a couple.”

Eight years of sharing a bed, meals, my body, my secrets, my pain—and somehow I was supposed to believe it meant nothing.

In that moment, I wasn’t just heartbroken. I felt foolish. I felt invisible.

I felt like the burden I had always feared I was.

BUT I never once thought of grabbing a drink...instead I cried for a month strait :)
I let the river flow out of me ...all the trauma stored in my tissues.

Excerpt from my working book By Dee Anne Berry

Some betrayals break your heart. Others break your body.
And the deepest ones—break your soul.

Sunday September 24, 2023 at 7pm was one of the darkest days of my life.

But it wasn’t the end. It was the beginning of a deeper unravelling.

Because on September 3, 2024, in my most vulnerable hour, he lied to the doctor and discarded me.

I had loved him for eight years.

To his bones. From a distance. While he drank. While I stayed sober.

While I tried to wake him up to his life.

But you can’t save someone who’s drowning and doesn’t want to come up for air.

And if you don’t set boundaries, they’ll take you down with them.

🧠 Why We Stay Sick

As a C-PTSD peer supporter, suicide hot line - trained guide, personal trainer, and master Reiki energy healer, I’ve seen this truth again and again:

Love and money are the two deepest sources of pain in the human experience. They drive addiction. They drive weight gain.
They drive us to numb.

But you can’t detox trauma with booze, sugar or distraction.

Because trauma lives in your tissues.
And those substances only make your body leak—your gut, your brain, your soul.

🧬 The Party That Broke Me

I hadn’t eaten for days—just to make sure my IBS wouldn’t trap me in the bathroom. I showed up smiling. He showed up nervous.

And then she walked in.

She knew everything about me.

I knew nothing about her.

Until I realized—she was the woman he’d been with for two years.

The one staying at his retreat. The one he never invited me to.
Not once. Not even after everything we’d been through.

I asked him why he didn’t respect me enough to tell me she was going to be at the party.
He said, “I thought you wouldn’t make it because of your health issues.”

This explained where he was after my mom suddenly passed with M.A.i.D.
And while I was grieving my mother, I was sending him grace.

I didn’t scream. I didn’t yell. I stayed calm.

Because that’s what parentified children do.
We hold it all in.
We carry the weight.
We protect everyone but ourselves.

😔 The Cry That He Didn’t Understand

I cried for 40 days. He asked, “Are you still crying?” I said, “Yes. This is what healing looks like.”

It took him four months to apologize. But it wasn’t real. Not the kind that says, “I’m sorry for hurting you while you were loving me.”

🩺 The Body Keeps the Score

I live with:

• C-PTSD + Diverticulitis + Hernias + Misophonia + Skin cancer spreading in 3rd year faster than I would like.

• Leaky body syndrome + sick building syndrome + mould illness

• Mold trauma

• Mast cell activation

• Histamine overload

• Chronic Stress since birth as a first born = Chronic inflammation = Invisible Illness = no disability = my dying with dignity journey
  

Stress is the driver of all disease. And silence is the fuel.

I had an emergency colonoscopy in December 2023.
I was bleeding badly.

And that’s when he emailed me to say he was a narcissist—
and that I should leave him.

I had held out hope that he was neurodivergent.
But narcissists know they’re narcissists.

He would often say, “I’ll never be the man you want me to be.”

I’d reply, “All I hope for is that you show love and tenderness toward yourself.”

They lie. They discard.
They live in clutter and chaos.
And they blame you for not stroking their fragile ego.

🌱 What Healing Looks Like

I stopped drinking. I stopped reaching for sugar.
I started detoxing with binders, charcoal and clay.
I rebuilt my microbiome. And calmed my vagus nerve.

I set boundaries and started telling those I love how I want to be treated because I felt I wasn’t being heard.

I am finding my voice at 58 and it feels GREAT! No more fear. Just peace. and Love.

I started sleeping—eight hours, no fan, no panic.
I started feeling parts of my body that were once dry and now flowing like a river again. :)

And the men I support no longer need the blue pill and their hair is growing back when they restore their microbiome, fatty liver with the Buddha Berry Tree Peace Method™.

I am 59 in 2 months :) Inner age is 41 as a biohacker since the 80’s.

Because healing isn’t just physical.
It’s emotional. It’s spiritual. It’s soul-deep.

🕊️ You Are Not Alone

If you’re sober but still suffering, don’t reach for sugar. Reach for breath. Reach for boundaries. Reach for your truth.

Because hurt people hurt people. But healed people heal people.

And the world needs more of us healed.
You are love.
You are not a burden. You are peace.
You are Energy. How is your energy?

Sending Loving Kindness from Canada’s Capital.
Learn more in today’s podcast for addiction peace.
Learn more in today's video, why women over 45 are most at risk for liver disease.