Why I Stopped Waiting for the "I Love You" That Never Came
From Cell Danger Response to Biological Stillness: Breaking the Cycle of the Absent Father
Yesterday was Father’s Day. For the first time in 59 years I forgot it was happening and so did my son.
This is inter-generational trauma.
We marry and mirror our mother and father wounds until we heal and love on our Soul aka Inner Child for heavenly peace on earth.
For decades I lived in the shadow of an absent father—a man who lives 20 minutes away but couldn’t manage to ask “How are you?” or offer the four letters I was starving for: Love.
I spent 30 years in the cycle of addiction unknowingly mirroring this dynamic in every friendship and partnership.
I have felt alone all my life and while fighting for my life since Sept. 2024 not one friend who I show up for in an instant has asked me how I am?
Not because I wasn’t loveable which is what I thought all my life it was because I was pouring all my love into them and not Little Dee because I had no energy left.
I was in relationships that were built on me giving and others taking my energy.
I was a parentified petrified child who learned to mother the world when I had to parent my own emotionally unintelligent parents. This isn’t just trauma—it is biology. Chronic childhood stress triggers a lifelong Cell Danger Response.
When you live in that state your body holds onto everything—inflammation toxins weight and trauma.
This is one of the reasons this personal trainer always had a belly the other is stored mycotoxins in my tissues.
In my work supporting those in suicidal crisis, I have found that every single person I support shares this foundational father wound, combined with a mother wound.
It is the root of the “leaky soul” and the biological collapse we are witnessing in our high-sensing community.
My Mom passed away by MAID and I have spent years fighting for my life against mould illness and sick building syndrome living in a system that mislabels environmental poisoning as mental illness.
Healing inter-generational trauma starts when you stop trying to fix the Golden Child who never learned accountability because they were never taught the difference between right and wrong.
It starts when you fall in love with protecting Little Dee for the healthiest loving relationship you will ever know.
I’ve learned that my peace is non-negotiable. I no longer hang my worth on a man who responds to news of my life-threatening illness with a cold “Thanks for letting me know.”
If you are a survivor of suicidal ideation or someone currently drowning in the heart-ache of this journey you are not alone. I am here for you. Reach out on Linkedin if you treat your Soul like a temple, drowning with a leaky body.
Our leaky cells stools and souls are a reflection of a Mother Earth that is also leaking.
Live with addiction peace today by protecting your inner child and walking away from what doesn’t bring you peace.
Learn the connection between your leaky body sleep stools energy and the soil of our Earth. As Within. So Without.
Resources for your healing journey:
Sending Loving Kindness from Canada’s Capital.
Momma Dee :)
Mom to Noah
I am rooting for you and your inner child. I love YOU!
