Mothering the Unmothered™: Learning to Give Yourself the Love You Were Always Deserving
You deserve the feast, not breadcrumbs.
Read that again, sweet soul.
You deserve the feast.
Not crumbs of affection.
Not occasional attention.
Not love that only appears when you’re useful.
Not protection you have to beg for.
Not a lifetime of carrying everyone else’s weight while quietly wondering:
“Who is going to take care of me?”
This is where Mothering the Unmothered™ came to be.
Because I wasn’t mothered in the way my little soul needed.
And before I could truly mother my son, I had to learn how to mother myself.
I had to become my own mother
I had to learn how to listen to myself.
How to comfort myself.
How to protect myself.
How to say no.
How to stop accepting breadcrumbs when my soul was starving for the feast.
How to recognize that being loving doesn’t mean allowing everyone access to you.
How to understand that forgiveness doesn’t require me to keep standing in the same place where I was hurt.
And slowly, I began learning something profound:
The little girl inside me was still waiting for someone to protect her.
So I became that person.
You can learn more in this weeks Sober SoulCare Sunday video for addiction peace.
That is part of what I teach through my DBM-5™ work.
If you didn’t have protectors in your life, we begin learning how to become a safe place for ourselves.
Not perfectly.
Not overnight.
But one peaceful choice at a time.
And then I became a mother
When Noah came along, I knew something very clearly:
I was not going to make my child carry what I had carried.
I raised my son the way I had wished my protectors had raised me.
He was rooted in love.
He was surrounded by hugs.
We had mental health check-ins every day.
I treated him like an adult even when he was little because I respected his intelligence and his voice.
But I never gave him adult responsibilities.
That distinction matters.
I let him be a child.
I let him play.
I let him say no.
I didn’t make him responsible for my happiness.
I didn’t make him my emotional caretaker.
I didn’t ask him to carry the weight of the world.
He was allowed to simply be Noah.
And that is something I wish every parent understood:
Respecting your child’s voice does not mean making your child your equal or your caretaker.
I was his mother.
I was his parent.
And I let him be my child.
And now he protects me, too
Noah is 28 this year and we still live together with his Love.
My heart sings each morning, knowing we are all under one roof.
I raised my son with intention to be the best father and husband if that is what he desired.
It began as soon as he could walk with 10 second tidy ;)
Any Blues Clues fans among our fellow high sensing health detectives.
He has never had a puff of anything, no toxic coffee and has never had a drop of alcohol.
But the thing I’m most proud of isn’t that.
It’s the human being he became.
He is calm.
He is grounded.
He is protective.
And yesterday, I asked him something that brought me to tears.
I asked:
“Noah, do you ever feel paternal towards me?”
He didn’t hesitate.
“No, Mom. I didn’t feel paternal. I’ve always been protective.”
Oh my stars.
That distinction touched something very deep inside me.
Because we are not best friends.
I am his mother. He is my son.
But there is tremendous love between us.
And there is something beautiful about knowing that the little boy I protected grew into a man who naturally protects his mother.
Not because I made him responsible for me.
Because love became our language.
“I want what you guys have.”
I’ve heard this from other mothers more times than I can count.
People come into our space and feel the energy between us.
And they say:
“I want what you guys have.”
I understand why.
What they’re seeing isn’t perfection.
They’re seeing a relationship where neither person has to shrink.
Neither person has to perform.
Neither person has to carry the other person’s emotional backpack.
There is love.
There is laughter.
There are hugs.
There are boundaries.
There is respect.
And there is room for both people to be fully themselves.
That is what I wanted to create for my son.
And somewhere along the way, I realized I needed to create it for myself, too.
To the firstborns carrying the invisible backpack
If you are a firstborn who became the responsible one...
If you learned to read the room before you learned to read yourself...
If you have been carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders since you were little...
You are safe here.
If you had no protectors...
You are safe here.
If you became the peacekeeper, the caregiver, the good child or the strong one...
You are safe here.
If you love souls who made you feel small...
You are safe here.
If you have spent your life caring for everyone else while quietly wondering who would care for you...
You are safe here.
And if you have been dismissed by the medical system while your labs were called “clean” and you were still struggling despite doing everything you could to live, eat and fuel your body well to age gracefully...
You are not alone.
You are safe here.
Drowning with clean labs?
This phrase has become important to me because I know what it feels like.
I spent years trying to understand what my body was telling me.
I was looking for the root.
I was testing.
I was searching.
I was living as cleanly as I knew how.
And yet I still felt like I was drowning.
My experience eventually taught me to look beyond the question of:
“What’s wrong with me?”
and start asking:
“What is my body responding to?”
That shift changed the way I looked at my entire life.
I began looking at the environment, the nervous system, the body and the soul as interconnected pieces rather than isolated problems.
That is the philosophy behind my DBM-5 Sacred Reset™:
De-stress.
Detox.
De-bloat.
De-clutter.
Deep Peace.
It is about pausing long enough to listen.
The feast begins within
Mothering the Unmothered™ isn’t about pretending the past didn’t happen.
It isn’t about blaming your parents forever.
It isn’t about becoming perfect.
It is about learning to give yourself what you can give yourself today.
The hug.
The boundary.
The rest.
The nourishing meal.
The glasses of water.
The peaceful walk.
The sacred tears alone in your bed, letting them flow till they stop.
The no.
The yes.
The bedtime.
The quiet.
The connection.
The compassion.
The protection.
The feast.
Because sweet soul:
You were never meant to survive on breadcrumbs.
And perhaps your inner child has been waiting all these years for you to finally say:
“Come here.
I see you.
I believe you.
You don’t have to carry this anymore.
I’ve got you now.”
That is Inner Child Care.
That is Sober Soul Growth.
That is Mothering the Unmothered™.
And that is why I created this flock.
Your Soul Anchor for today
Put your hand over your heart.
Take a breath.
And ask:
“Where am I still accepting breadcrumbs when I deserve the feast?”
Don’t judge the answer.
Just listen.
Then choose one tiny place today where you can give yourself more love, more protection or more peace.
One peaceful choice matters.
Every smile.
Every step.
Every sacred meal.
Every sacred sip.
Every sacred word.
Every sacred sleep.
Every sacred connection.
It all matters for a peaceful you.
As within, so without. 🥰
Welcome home to your flock, rare bird.
I TRULY LOVE YOU & WELCOME YOU WITH A 21-SECOND HUG AND A HIGH FIVE! 🖐️✨
Join us each evening at 7 PM Eastern on YouTube for Daily SoulCare, Inner Child Care and our Soul Anchors for a Peaceful U.
If you’re drowning with clean labs, heal your leaky energy, Soul, stools, sleep, muscles, brain and 40 other leaky body barriers.
Come find your Soul Anchors with your flock of sweet Souls, rare birds who lead a life of love, forgiveness, huge hearts who have carried the weight of the world for a lifetime.
It’s time to show up for little you the way you wish your protectors had done.
You are not alone.
You are safe here.
You deserve the feast. Not breadcrumbs.
Sending Loving Kindness from Canada’s Capital,
Momma Lovey Dee
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